Watching a person in your life go through Alzheimer’s disease is one of the most challenging and heartbreaking things you can experience. If you’re the primary caregiver or one of several caregivers for a person you love, this process can be even more challenging. Alzheimer’s can be a cruel illness, both to the person suffering from it and to the people around them, and there are certain aspects of life with Alzheimer’s that you may not be expecting. Confusion and forgetfulness are things that everyone is prepared for when someone they love is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, but aggression is another common way the illness presents itself that you may be taken aback by.
While it’s unsettling and difficult to manage, anger and outbursts from a loved one who is suffering from dementia or Alzheimer’s is something that is to be expected, and with help and a careful, compassionate approach, it is possible to manage. Here are some things for you to remember as a caregiver for an Alzheimer’s patient who is dealing with aggression.
Try to Remain Calm
Above all, the one thing you need to focus on is not escalating the situation– that is, not making it worse or more volatile by getting angry or upset yourself. Keeping control of your own emotions is absolutely essential, even though it can be so scary or hurtful for someone you love to lash out verbally or physically at you.
While it’s a challenge, you have to try not to take their anger personally. It’s the Alzheimer’s talking, not your loved one. Think of it in a similar way to a baby crying. They don’t cry because they dislike you or want to hurt you; they cry because it’s their only way of communicating something like discomfort, fear, hunger, pain, sleepiness, or any other need. Anger and aggression in people with Alzheimer’s is very similar. There’s nothing personal behind it; it’s just the reaction of their struggling brain to a need or situation that they can’t control or manage like they used to. Do your best to remain calm and keep your own emotions in check while you’re directly dealing with the aggression, because getting worked up will only make things worse. It’s also smart to build a support system of friends, family, and mental health professionals to help you deal with the emotions that can come as a result of these moments.
Manage Triggers
Anger and aggression in Alzheimer’s are often triggered by controllable circumstances. If you can manage how often those triggers occur, you can often lessen the episodes of anger that your loved one has. Common triggers are hunger or thirst, tiredness, or physical discomfort or pain, like a hidden injury or a poor night’s sleep. Confusion or fear can also trigger this anger, like big crowds of unfamiliar people or unfamiliar settings (or people and places they no longer recognize). You might also notice that your loved one is more prone to angry outbursts at certain times of the day, like nighttime. This is a well-known phenomenon in Alzheimer’s called sundown syndrome. By paying attention to these triggers and finding ways to avoid them or prepare for them, you can help to mitigate the aggressive behaviors.
Distracting vs. Reasoning
Your instinct when dealing with an angry or aggressive person may often be to reason with them, but this isn’t the right approach to take when helping someone with dementia or Alzheimer’s. For example, if your loved one is upset and lashing out because they don’t recognize the place they’re in and are afraid, you’ll never be able to convince them of what you know is true, that the house they’re in has been their home for many years. Their brain has lost the ability to accept that reasoning along with the ability to recognize their home. Trying to argue or reason with someone with Alzheimer’s can even make the situation worse, confusing them, highlighting their lack of mental acuity, and upsetting them even more.
Instead of trying to reason with your loved one with Alzheimer’s, especially when they’re in the middle of an aggressive episode, try to focus on distraction instead. Redirect them towards activities you know they can handle, like watching TV, listening to music, playing simple games, or just changing the subject of conversation. They’ll likely forget what they were upset about before they stop actually feeling upset, but be patient and compassionate as you continue to gently redirect them towards something else until the episode passes.
Prioritize Safety
Anger from someone you care about can be frightening and upsetting, but the aggression, sometimes even bodily attacks, that can accompany this anger can become dangerous if it gets out of hand. Their physical safety and your own should be a top priority at all times, and if things escalate to a level where anyone is at risk of being hurt, it’s ok to call in help from other family members, professional care providers, or even by calling 911 if your loved one is unable to calm down. If there’s no risk of them hurting themselves if left alone, it’s also okay to walk away and spend a few minutes apart to help diffuse the situation and prevent anyone from getting hurt.
Remember that there is always help out there available to you if you find yourself unable to handle your loved one, and reaching out for that help doesn’t reflect badly on your capabilities or your love for this person. It means that you’re recognizing a task that is too big for one person to handle alone, and prioritizing the wellbeing of your loved one! Seeking out clinical trials can be a valuable tool in helping manage Alzheimer’s, and you can learn more about our Alzheimer’s clinical trials here.
